Through the Glass Dimly

As I write I am 9 weeks pregnant with baby #2. For the last 3 or 4 weeks I have felt really really yucky. My confession is this: Pregnancy seems to bring out the worst in me... I was thinking about that the other day. My mood is never worse, my energy so low, my ability to make dinner almost completely goes away, and I seem sad all the time in what should be a HAPPY joyous time. The nausea medicine I just began taking last week makes me sleepier than sleepy all day long. I am so not proud of this. Some people are good at being pregnant. Some people are still sick, but manage to maintain their super-woman-hood: ie my sister. Lindsey is pretty amazing to me. All her talk about cleaning and cleaning products and making fabulous meals, while having all day morning sickness... well that sounds miraculous to me. Washing a load of laundry is probably the extent of my energy expenditures during the day... and that is just washing it and drying it... I can never quite seem to get it fol...

I'm pretty sure this song will forever remind me of this pregnancy. I listened to it so much when I was first pregnant, driving to work and feeling oh so nauseous. I heard it again last Sunday morning, on the way to church, and it meant so much more to me then. Since Josh isn't legally able to work right now, and I was put on modified bed rest just a few days previous to said Sunday morning, I was struggling in my spirit. I don't want to complain about how bad I have it. I am blessed. However humbling it may be, it is pure grace that we are able to live at my sweet and generous parents home right now. I could just as easily be out on the street this very moment, but I am blessed with a roof over my head, and food to eat, though I will not say that it is easy to live like this. Wondering how we will pay bills, and whether we will have what we need for Ellie when she arrives. Needless to say, this is not the position that I had dreamed of when I thought of ...

It has been far too long since I have written anything. After I poured out my spirit in my last post about Patience being a Womanly Virtue , I found out some rather unexpected news. On April Fools Day, at 4:41 in the morning I found out that we are expecting a baby! No joke. In fact, when I wrote those words about how I feared I would have to wait forever to have a baby, I was with child. Way Un Expected. And oh how I wanted to write about it then, but I had to wait until those that needed to hear it from me had heard it before I told the blog-o-sphere. And then. The nausea hit. And oh how it hit. And the sleepiness. I pretty much hibernated the last two months away because if I wasn't at work, or eating, I wasn't feeling well, and sleeping came so easy. It is tiring work growing a person. And then my heart started irritating me, once more. Palpitations galore. Racing heart beats. After all of my adventures to get a healthy heart, and thinking I was all...

Patience. There's a certain patience that is required in being a woman. Its a lesson that I've been learning for a while now. First, the patience was knowing who I wanted to marry, and having to wait for said person to get ready to marry me. It only took eight years**.... but still. So there were many many nights of tears, wondering why. That story is far too long and we won't go into it now. I'd rather talk about other issues of patience, but I did want to let you know that, yes, patience is something that I've struggled with... at least since I was 15, if not my whole life. So then you get engaged, and then you have to wait for the big day. The wedding day. Then you're married. And everything is lovely. You are learning how to be a wife. How to meal plan. How to manage to keep the whole house/apartment clean. How to budget. How to do all these things and still hold down a grown-up job. And then it hits you. Because there is always something else. ...