My Journey Into Purple Pilgrimhood

I used to be under the impression that I would really be something if I could get an amazing, well paying job, a husband that loved me, and that at that point we would equally get stuff done in our home. I'd probably cook (because I enjoy cooking so), and he'd probably clean. If we had kids, we'd both take equal child rearing duties. I had it planned out. We'd share the leadership in the home as a team. We'd get equal time to relax in front of the tv. We'd go on romantic adventures at least once a month.

I thought I'd be really something if I could just become a powerful woman, a force to be reckoned with; this great famous artist/writer who wore a modern "power suite", probably peacock blue, with a pale green button up shirt, and some fantastic scarf that I bought from someplace exclusive and underground. Complete modern woman. Hear me roar. I'd sell thousands of books, my art would be shown at museums and high end galleries.

I used to look at some conservative Christians (though, strangely enough, I called myself a conservative Christian) who home-schooled their children, made clothing, didn't have a profession other than "house-wife", and think that some how they were missing out in the joys of life that could be theirs if only they applied themselves. I began referring to "those types" of people under the alias of "Purple Pilgrims", because there was a family that I knew who's girls once wore matching purple-homemade-dresses to church. To be honest, I kind of looked down at "The Purple Pilgrims".

Then one day last year I realized something.

It all started with trying to find a solution to a physical ailment. My heart occasionally seemed to beat a little too fast (which had nothing to do with the tachycardia I was taking medications for) and I began searching for the answer to stop this problem.

I had recently changed birth control pills. I had been on the pill for a couple years because I have endometriosis. The pill was continuous with no blank pills, which was supposed to get my insides cleaned up, causing my body to think it was pregnant. Well, it turned out that the pill that I changed to caused a bad reaction in my body. It had different levels of hormones and the hormones were causing my heart to race. I immediately went off of this pill, and started realizing something very serious about birth control pills.

I'll preface this with letting you know that I am adamantly pro-life. I know that some of you who may be reading possibly disagree with my stance. That's fine. We'll agree to disagree. And I'm well aware that it is a touchy subject--a "taboo". So I do apologize for making you uncomfortable, but I feel I must write.

And continuing:

I found out that birth control pills don't actually completely keep eggs from being fertilized. There is still a good chance that fertilization may occur. Birth control pills cause a woman's uterus to become a bad environment for a fertilized egg, keeping the embryo from implanting. In essence, causing the same effect as "the morning after pill"; what some would consider, and what I would consider, a type of abortion. I see life as beginning at the moment the egg is fertilized. I didn't want any part of causing a possible child of mine to be flushed away out of my system because of a tiny pill I was taking. The very idea that I may have already done that was troubling.

Out of this disconcerting news several things happened:

1. I found another method of "controlling" birth in a more naturally, harmonious, and less dangerous to my own body way (much more could be said on the idea of "controlling" birth... but perhaps you and I could go somewhere and discuss this over a cup of coffee. It is a much bigger conversation than where I am going now).
2. I began to question the history of why such a pill exists.
3. I began researching the feminist movement and how it has seeped into every area of our culture.
4. I came to the realization that The Church has perhaps been negatively influenced by this movement without knowing it (when I say The Church I speak of the entire population of those who call themselves followers of Christ and who are known as such, not any one church/denomination/building).
5. I started questioning my life goals, aspirations, and decided to rethink everything.
6. I began this blog as an attempt to uncover (for myself) through writing, what it means to be a Super-Woman.

I thought for so long that Super-Woman-Carly would look like that peacock-power-suit-wearing-force-to-be-reckoned-with. What I began seeing was that perhaps my goals weren't in line with scripture. As a woman of faith who wants the Gospel to be at the center of everything I do, the past year has been a coming to terms with what my goals should be and what I want them to be and how to live my life in the most fulfilling-God-honoring way. Shockingly, those goals have turned into what I like to call, "Becoming a Purple Pilgrim".

For me, the pursuit of super-womaninity is all about pursuing Biblical Womanhood, and what it means for me to be alive in 2010 as a woman of God. Astonishingly, super-womaninity may look more like a woman who lived a couple thousand years ago, even a hundred years ago, than my peacock-suit-wearing friend. We will have to search to find out.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Next Blog: Dinner Planning, Crying Babies and Housework vs Corner Office Museum Curator