Patience.
There's a certain patience that is required in being a woman.
Its a lesson that I've been learning for a while now.
First, the patience was knowing who I wanted to marry, and having to wait for said person to get ready to marry me. It only took eight years**.... but still. So there were many many nights of tears, wondering why. That story is far too long and we won't go into it now. I'd rather talk about other issues of patience, but I did want to let you know that, yes, patience is something that I've struggled with... at least since I was 15, if not my whole life.
So then you get engaged, and then you have to wait for the big day. The wedding day.
Then you're married. And everything is lovely. You are learning how to be a wife. How to meal plan. How to manage to keep the whole house/apartment clean. How to budget. How to do all these things and still hold down a grown-up job. And then it hits you.
Because there is always something else.
Whenever you are in high school, or in college or whenever the "love bug" hits you, and you feel like you must find that "Mr. Right" and fall in love, and experience all of the gewy-lovey-dovey feelings. You wonder, "Why isn't it happening now? Where is he? Why isn't he here now?" So you wait.
Then one day, something happens and you find this person. The one you know is the right person. And then.... you have to wait. Sometimes its longer. Sometimes its shorter. Personally, I waited years, but I have a friend that waited about 5 months before "he" popped the question, and she was just as frustrated with the waiting game as I was for my 8 years. Waiting is difficult. You can have many reactions, and a lot of them are the wrong reactions. Dare I say, sinful reactions.
So, once he asks, you get married. Everything is perfect. And then, as I mentioned before.... BANG! It hits you.
For some it takes a few years, for some it takes a few months, for some it may never hit... but I remember when it hit me.
Looking at all those cute babies at church.
Seeing nieces and nephews.
Passing by all that fun/wonderful baby stuff at Target or at Walmart or anywhere you shop.
It hits. And generally when it hits, it hits hard.
You have the "Baby Bug".
I had been married for just a few months at that point. I know... some would say that is too early to want to have babies. But on the other side, some would say that you should be prepared for babies as soon as you get married.. I mean it could happen to anyone. I have a friend that just got married, and conceived pretty much on her wedding night, if not a few days later. Sex makes babies. If you are going to have sex you better be prepared for the outcome.
So, I had the baby bug. This is before my purple-pilgrimage began, and I knew that we had planned to wait at least 3 years before we wanted to start trying to have babies. My husband was all on board with that plan. But I did have the baby bug pretty badly... and thus began the conversations. If I could argue my point strongly enough, perhaps I could talk those years down to two?
No. He wouldn't budge.***
Patience.
It is a virtue they say.
The point is that at every stage of your life you get to a place where you feel like you are ready for the next. Perhaps that is "Baby Making". Maybe "Marriage". Or "home-owning". Maybe "Potty Training". Or "Retirement". There will always be the next thing. And all require patience.
So it should be no surprise to me, when we decide its time for babies, that it might take a while. Or maybe it won't happen. Maybe we'll have to adopt. I have a number of issues that could cause us to not be able to have babies. We can't know the plans the Lord has for us. Just because my husband says now he's ready doesn't mean that now we will instantly be granted this gift. There is waiting involved in all of it. My best friend is pregnant now. Her husband and her have waited for a year for this. Now she's pregnant, and realizes that she has 9 months more of waiting and patience to do. Other friends have had multiple miscarriages before they finally have a full pregnancy. Other friends will have to adopt. Heart-break and waiting sometimes go hand in hand.
So this week, I was making a latte for a woman, and talking with her about the new lullaby album we are selling at work. Of course, she says, "When you get to have your babies, have lots of them. I only had 2 and now they are all grown up and gone away." My instinct was to be upset. When everything around you reminds you that its not your turn to have the desire of your heart, it is hard not to get upset.
And thus continues my life long lesson in patience.
And now, for a word about my husband, because I would never want to paint him in a bad light (which was fully not my intentions here):
**As for my wonderful, godly, loving husband whom I am very grateful for and love dearly: Yes, I did have to wait 8 years for him to be "ready" to marry me, but I probably thought that I was "ready" far before I actually was. The full story is that we met when we were 15 and 16 and so getting married a year later would be virtually impossible, and is just the outcome of falling in love at a young age and needing to grow up a bit before getting married. Sometimes the best things in life we have to wait for, and my wonderful husband is the best thing.
***As for said husband not wanting to budge on the 3 year baby timer: The "grown-up" thing to do in certain circles of people is to wait until you are fully established and grounded in life, and that you've spent ample time together being 'newlywed' before choosing to add an additional member into your family. Looking at it from that angel, my husband was doing the 'right' thing for us at the time. But again, this whole conversation took place before we both became purple pilgrims. You can read about his personal pilgrimage here.
There's a certain patience that is required in being a woman.
Its a lesson that I've been learning for a while now.
First, the patience was knowing who I wanted to marry, and having to wait for said person to get ready to marry me. It only took eight years**.... but still. So there were many many nights of tears, wondering why. That story is far too long and we won't go into it now. I'd rather talk about other issues of patience, but I did want to let you know that, yes, patience is something that I've struggled with... at least since I was 15, if not my whole life.
So then you get engaged, and then you have to wait for the big day. The wedding day.
Then you're married. And everything is lovely. You are learning how to be a wife. How to meal plan. How to manage to keep the whole house/apartment clean. How to budget. How to do all these things and still hold down a grown-up job. And then it hits you.
Because there is always something else.
Whenever you are in high school, or in college or whenever the "love bug" hits you, and you feel like you must find that "Mr. Right" and fall in love, and experience all of the gewy-lovey-dovey feelings. You wonder, "Why isn't it happening now? Where is he? Why isn't he here now?" So you wait.
Then one day, something happens and you find this person. The one you know is the right person. And then.... you have to wait. Sometimes its longer. Sometimes its shorter. Personally, I waited years, but I have a friend that waited about 5 months before "he" popped the question, and she was just as frustrated with the waiting game as I was for my 8 years. Waiting is difficult. You can have many reactions, and a lot of them are the wrong reactions. Dare I say, sinful reactions.
So, once he asks, you get married. Everything is perfect. And then, as I mentioned before.... BANG! It hits you.
For some it takes a few years, for some it takes a few months, for some it may never hit... but I remember when it hit me.
Looking at all those cute babies at church.
Seeing nieces and nephews.
Passing by all that fun/wonderful baby stuff at Target or at Walmart or anywhere you shop.
It hits. And generally when it hits, it hits hard.
You have the "Baby Bug".
I had been married for just a few months at that point. I know... some would say that is too early to want to have babies. But on the other side, some would say that you should be prepared for babies as soon as you get married.. I mean it could happen to anyone. I have a friend that just got married, and conceived pretty much on her wedding night, if not a few days later. Sex makes babies. If you are going to have sex you better be prepared for the outcome.
So, I had the baby bug. This is before my purple-pilgrimage began, and I knew that we had planned to wait at least 3 years before we wanted to start trying to have babies. My husband was all on board with that plan. But I did have the baby bug pretty badly... and thus began the conversations. If I could argue my point strongly enough, perhaps I could talk those years down to two?
No. He wouldn't budge.***
Patience.
It is a virtue they say.
The point is that at every stage of your life you get to a place where you feel like you are ready for the next. Perhaps that is "Baby Making". Maybe "Marriage". Or "home-owning". Maybe "Potty Training". Or "Retirement". There will always be the next thing. And all require patience.
So it should be no surprise to me, when we decide its time for babies, that it might take a while. Or maybe it won't happen. Maybe we'll have to adopt. I have a number of issues that could cause us to not be able to have babies. We can't know the plans the Lord has for us. Just because my husband says now he's ready doesn't mean that now we will instantly be granted this gift. There is waiting involved in all of it. My best friend is pregnant now. Her husband and her have waited for a year for this. Now she's pregnant, and realizes that she has 9 months more of waiting and patience to do. Other friends have had multiple miscarriages before they finally have a full pregnancy. Other friends will have to adopt. Heart-break and waiting sometimes go hand in hand.
So this week, I was making a latte for a woman, and talking with her about the new lullaby album we are selling at work. Of course, she says, "When you get to have your babies, have lots of them. I only had 2 and now they are all grown up and gone away." My instinct was to be upset. When everything around you reminds you that its not your turn to have the desire of your heart, it is hard not to get upset.
And thus continues my life long lesson in patience.
And now, for a word about my husband, because I would never want to paint him in a bad light (which was fully not my intentions here):
**As for my wonderful, godly, loving husband whom I am very grateful for and love dearly: Yes, I did have to wait 8 years for him to be "ready" to marry me, but I probably thought that I was "ready" far before I actually was. The full story is that we met when we were 15 and 16 and so getting married a year later would be virtually impossible, and is just the outcome of falling in love at a young age and needing to grow up a bit before getting married. Sometimes the best things in life we have to wait for, and my wonderful husband is the best thing.
***As for said husband not wanting to budge on the 3 year baby timer: The "grown-up" thing to do in certain circles of people is to wait until you are fully established and grounded in life, and that you've spent ample time together being 'newlywed' before choosing to add an additional member into your family. Looking at it from that angel, my husband was doing the 'right' thing for us at the time. But again, this whole conversation took place before we both became purple pilgrims. You can read about his personal pilgrimage here.
I can agree with the feeling. My husband and I tried for a year and a half before we conceived our second child. I cried every month when I realized our work and prayers werent showing results. Then when I saw the positive on the test, I immediately thanked God. Our God knew that it was that moment in conception that our wonderful little boy would be made. I am glad that I didn't get pregnant any sooner or later because this little boy thats playing with my toes as we speak wouldn't be who he is now. Patience. Patience. It works out for our good.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your story, Loretta. And thanks for the Romans 8:28 plug:
ReplyDelete"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
I love your blog my dear cousin, you write from the heart and I can defiently relate to what your saying in a big way!
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, in my mind it feels like why is it the man that always has to have the upperhand in this waiting game? Like the ball is always in their court? This feels unfair to me. Although it does seem inevitable, and we all have to endure situations where patience is neccesary (Both men and women). But I guess speaking from my own experiences with waiting on men (Or anyone for that matter) I feel like sometimes you must throw in the towel, and make the decision yourself. (strictly from my own expriences) So I guess I pose the question: Life is precious, how long should we wait?
excited to see you soon!
Karalee--
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Obviously, I know the situation you speak of, because you are my cousin and dear friend. I believe sometimes we, as women, have to wait on men because of the roles God has chosen to place men and women in. For instance, the man is supposed to be the head, the leader. So, its really up to him to ask for your hand in marriage. You would not want to marry a man who was not stepping up to his role as a leader. Obviously, we can twist and connive our way into talking him into marry earlier, but a man who does not lead is not the kind of husband you should desire. So I agree. Sometimes you must throw in the towel. Sometimes the person we have fallen for, is not the right person for us.
From my own experience, a godly husband is a wonderful find. Pray that God would send you someone who is ready to fully commit, and who is ready to lead you spiritually. Again, this is a bit more waiting, but its better to wait and get the prize then to settle and have an unhappy life. I had to wait a long time for Josh, but in the end it was fully worth it.
Waiting... le sigh! I think I didn't really feel the "Baby Bug" until we moved to Kansas and branched out on our own a bit. That was just a little whisper. Then, about a year ago it hit me like WOMP! and it was all I really thought about. But I second-guessed my/our readiness and waffled back and forth on the issue. After waiting for some kind of green light and not finding one, I'd mostly "temporarily given up" on the idea of it happening anytime soon. My dear sweet wonderful (and PATIENT, lol) husband put the ball in my court recently by asking me if I was ready to have a child. Not quite so directly, but pretty much. It's hard not to get to personal here.......... let's just say I'm scheduled for an appt. with the female doctor next week, annual checkup (joy).... the plan was to go back onto birth control and now I'm conflicted. I don't like being in control of that sort of thing (life)... on one hand, it's appealing because I take it and I don't have to worry about Anything Happening. On the other hand, it pretty much eliminates/hurts any possibility of conceiving for a long while.
ReplyDeleteI apologize if I've said too much... just dealing with some tricky stuff :) Agggh.
You can never say too much, dear Rachel. The thing I love about writing about such topics is that it opens doors for women to talk about the things that cloud our thoughts. Its good to have an avenue in which to share struggles and trials and tender issues.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for wisdom for you. With such a big issue as birthing babies, wisdom is much needed.
Thanks for reading, friend.
So I'm just now getting caught up on my blog reading--this is funny now, right :)
ReplyDeleteOnce I was at the hospital visiting a friend that just had a baby and I was standing in front of the nursery window looking at her newborn. My friend's grandma was there too with a friend of hers and her friend remarked, "Ugh! I'm never going to be a great-grandma!" I laughed because I realized it is highly possible to go through your whole life and still be "ready" for something that is not ready for you!
Again, so excited for you :)
Jamie--
ReplyDeleteHaha! Yeah, it is. God is funny sometimes. We totally were not expecting to be expecting, but He had other plans, apparently.
I need to update this. I have been neglecting writing a new blog because I just wanted to write about the fact that I am having a baby, but had to wait until I could write and not just be telling people the news but actually write.
Patience is a lifelong lesson. I'm sure I'll be learning it my whole life. Just because that phase seems to be over, just means I will learn patience regarding other things.