Through the Glass Dimly

I remember laying on my twin sized bed in my college apartment, in tears, wondering how I would be able to afford a wedding dress to get married in.  I honestly thought I might not be able to have a wedding dress. Of course I got married in this amazingly beautiful dress that was super unique and completely me, unlike the other 5000 dresses I looked at and disliked. And I found it about 60% off, and it fit me like a glove, other than needing to be taken up, as it was a little too long. I had a song, which is written about my favourite passage of scripture, played at our wedding by my wonderfully talented brother, because of how I doubt God sometimes, and how silly that is, because I've always been provided for in ways that from time to time have blown my mind. I wanted that song to be our theme song for our marriage, and the first year of our marriage proved that it was. I look out the window the birds are composing    Not a note is out of tune or out of ...

Josh and I had the opportunity to go for an ultrasound of our baby #2 last week. We learned that day that we are having another girl whom we had already decided to name Margaret Anne Barnett, aka Maggie. Here is Maggie's picture. I'm pretty sure she's adorable. So Thursday was my regular prenatal appointment for this month. It had been a week since our ultrasound when we found out who we are expecting. We got some less than awesome news about our little Maggie Moo.  Maggie apparently has a cyst in her brain, but no other abnormalities. Its called a Choroid Plexus Cyst. Apparently these cysts are quite common and tend to go away on their own before the end of the pregnancy, if there are no other issues. However, it does mean that she has a greater chance for Trisomy 18, which is normally a 1 in 3000 chance for a normal pregnancy, but when there is the presence of this type of cyst the chances go up to 1 in 300. So we will be monitoring our sweet little Maggie, and havi...

I suddenly awoke to my heart beat sky rocketing. It was literally 180-200 beats per minute. I hadn't had a bad dream. I wasn't extra stressed about anything in life. I was 25, 9 months into a brand new marriage, and was living in Houston, Texas surrounded by good art. That morning changed everything. My husband called an ambulance and the paramedics came. I laid on my couch in my living room while they struggled to find a vein to start my IV. Finally, after 5 attempts the iv was in. As I searched for my husbands face and held his hand I was told they were going ton push a drug that would cause my heart rate to beat normally. My heart was still pounding 180-210 per minute, and was extremely irregular. My chest was beginning to ache from my heart working so hard. "This is going to feel really weird" they told me, as I grasped Josh's hand so tightly and stared into his eyes. And with that they pushed this medicine that made my veins feel greasy, made my heart f...

I'm pretty sure this song will forever remind me of this pregnancy. I listened to it so much when I was first pregnant, driving to work and feeling oh so nauseous. I heard it again last Sunday morning, on the way to church, and it meant so much more to me then. Since Josh isn't legally able to work right now, and I was put on modified bed rest just a few days previous to said Sunday morning, I was struggling in my spirit. I don't want to complain about how bad I have it. I am blessed. However humbling it may be, it is pure grace that we are able to live at my sweet and generous parents home right now. I could just as easily be out on the street this very moment, but I am blessed with a roof over my head, and food to eat, though I will not say that it is easy to live like this. Wondering how we will pay bills, and whether we will have what we need for Ellie when she arrives. Needless to say, this is not the position that I had dreamed of when I thought of ...

Patience. There's a certain patience that is required in being a woman. Its a lesson that I've been learning for a while now. First, the patience was knowing who I wanted to marry, and having to wait for said person to get ready to marry me. It only took eight years**.... but still. So there were many many nights of tears, wondering why. That story is far too long and we won't go into it now. I'd rather talk about other issues of patience, but I did want to let you know that, yes, patience is something that I've struggled with... at least since I was 15, if not my whole life. So then you get engaged, and then you have to wait for the big day. The wedding day. Then you're married. And everything is lovely. You are learning how to be a wife. How to meal plan. How to manage to keep the whole house/apartment clean. How to budget. How to do all these things and still hold down a grown-up job. And then it hits you. Because there is always something else. ...