I was standing in a barren desert surrounded with brown sandy nothingness. All I could see for miles was dry earth, sand, and a couple of tumble weeds. The sky was an eerie yellow color with a faint hint of blue. It was a Dali desert. It made me feel queasy.
I must have been standing there for a while before she said to me, "This is the place I love to come and remember that I never have to have children. This is my happy place." I turned to see a friend of mine who I've actually only met in person once. She was guiding me through this desert place gently, smiling. I asked how this could possibly be a happy place for her, that it made me feel nothing but anxiety and nausea. She smiled and said, "This is the path I've chosen." Then, I was alone again, wandering through the sandy meadow, quietly aching inside.
When I woke up this morning, I could not get that dream out of my head. So rich in symbolism. So... odd. I told a co-worker about it, after I had been at work a little while. She thought it was pretty weird. I asked her if she ever planned on having children and we had that talk. She honestly doesn't see her and her husband ever having children. Actually, many women feel no need to have children, and are actually quite satisfied with the path they've chosen.
My choice would be to have children, and my husband and I hope that one day, when the Lord wills that we are ready, we will be blessed to have our own little family.
So, being interested in all things feminine, I thought I'd talk for a little bit about the subject of barrenness, since my dream was so out of the ordinary (and was maybe partly so vivid because I went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3-D last night.. but that is another story). You never really hear much about the topic, except mostly in the Bible where there are plenty of stories of barren women. You occasionally find out that a woman that you know never ended up having children not because that is what they chose for themselves, but, because physically, they were unable to bear children. Its not a subject people really talk about because it is so intensely emotionally sensitive for those people.
There are lots of women in the Bible who were barren: Sarai, Rebekah, Rachel, the Shunemite woman, and many more. To me the story of Hannah reveals the most raw emotion and really shows us how a woman who can't have children might feel.
Hannah was the second wife of a man named Elihu. His other wife had lots of children, but Hannah remained childless. The bible says that the Lord had closed her womb (1 Samuel 1:6). She prayed for years and years that God would give her a son, and finally, years later, Hannah had a son name Samuel. Today, we don't really see that many people unwillingly waiting years and years to have children. Generally, those that are having trouble conceiving, go have tests done and begin treatments to help them naturally conceive (although we do know those who will never be able to have children).
The Bible says that it is the LORD that opens and closes the womb. That is why Hannah prayed to God for a son. She knew that she would only have a child if it was the LORD's will. I believe this. Even in the case of fertility treatment, I don't think that there are any little people running around that weren't a direct plan of God. God can use whatever means he wants, whether that is completely 100% natural, or with the assistance of a medical professional.
The path of being childless was not the one that Hannah chose for herself. In fact, it was a painful burden for her. The bible says that she refused to eat, and wept and wept. Her heart was in terrible pain because the one thing in life that she wanted was not happening for her. For years. She wept. Bitterly. She was deeply distressed. She was anguished.
Remember that scene in Notting Hill? The one where they are all telling their sad stories in order to be the most pathetic and win the last brownie? The character, Bella, reveals that her and her husband can't have a baby. In that moment you see the loss on her face, the sadness. No one in the room really knows what to say.
I wonder if we remember our sisters who are going through similar paths in life. Its easy to just think that someone doesn't want to have children because they don't have children, because no one talks about this taboo subject. A woman who has fertility issues is not going to answer the question honestly to the random person who says, "When do you and your husband plan on having children?" or "Do you think you and your husband will try to have children any time in the near future?" In fact, those questions would only cause pain for that woman, so most people don't really ask.
Lets pray for our sisters in every situation in life. Whether intentionally childless, unintentionally childless, with child, with many children, or who's child has gone on into eternity before her.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have children, wanting to have children, and/or having children? Lets talk.
PS. I didn't really address the issue of women who legitimately don't desire children, although I did talk about it briefly in my dream and also in my conversation with the co-worker. You are totally welcome to discuss that issue and other issues below or on facebook :)
I must have been standing there for a while before she said to me, "This is the place I love to come and remember that I never have to have children. This is my happy place." I turned to see a friend of mine who I've actually only met in person once. She was guiding me through this desert place gently, smiling. I asked how this could possibly be a happy place for her, that it made me feel nothing but anxiety and nausea. She smiled and said, "This is the path I've chosen." Then, I was alone again, wandering through the sandy meadow, quietly aching inside.
When I woke up this morning, I could not get that dream out of my head. So rich in symbolism. So... odd. I told a co-worker about it, after I had been at work a little while. She thought it was pretty weird. I asked her if she ever planned on having children and we had that talk. She honestly doesn't see her and her husband ever having children. Actually, many women feel no need to have children, and are actually quite satisfied with the path they've chosen.
My choice would be to have children, and my husband and I hope that one day, when the Lord wills that we are ready, we will be blessed to have our own little family.
So, being interested in all things feminine, I thought I'd talk for a little bit about the subject of barrenness, since my dream was so out of the ordinary (and was maybe partly so vivid because I went to see Alice in Wonderland in 3-D last night.. but that is another story). You never really hear much about the topic, except mostly in the Bible where there are plenty of stories of barren women. You occasionally find out that a woman that you know never ended up having children not because that is what they chose for themselves, but, because physically, they were unable to bear children. Its not a subject people really talk about because it is so intensely emotionally sensitive for those people.
There are lots of women in the Bible who were barren: Sarai, Rebekah, Rachel, the Shunemite woman, and many more. To me the story of Hannah reveals the most raw emotion and really shows us how a woman who can't have children might feel.
Hannah was the second wife of a man named Elihu. His other wife had lots of children, but Hannah remained childless. The bible says that the Lord had closed her womb (1 Samuel 1:6). She prayed for years and years that God would give her a son, and finally, years later, Hannah had a son name Samuel. Today, we don't really see that many people unwillingly waiting years and years to have children. Generally, those that are having trouble conceiving, go have tests done and begin treatments to help them naturally conceive (although we do know those who will never be able to have children).
The Bible says that it is the LORD that opens and closes the womb. That is why Hannah prayed to God for a son. She knew that she would only have a child if it was the LORD's will. I believe this. Even in the case of fertility treatment, I don't think that there are any little people running around that weren't a direct plan of God. God can use whatever means he wants, whether that is completely 100% natural, or with the assistance of a medical professional.
The path of being childless was not the one that Hannah chose for herself. In fact, it was a painful burden for her. The bible says that she refused to eat, and wept and wept. Her heart was in terrible pain because the one thing in life that she wanted was not happening for her. For years. She wept. Bitterly. She was deeply distressed. She was anguished.
Remember that scene in Notting Hill? The one where they are all telling their sad stories in order to be the most pathetic and win the last brownie? The character, Bella, reveals that her and her husband can't have a baby. In that moment you see the loss on her face, the sadness. No one in the room really knows what to say.
I wonder if we remember our sisters who are going through similar paths in life. Its easy to just think that someone doesn't want to have children because they don't have children, because no one talks about this taboo subject. A woman who has fertility issues is not going to answer the question honestly to the random person who says, "When do you and your husband plan on having children?" or "Do you think you and your husband will try to have children any time in the near future?" In fact, those questions would only cause pain for that woman, so most people don't really ask.
Lets pray for our sisters in every situation in life. Whether intentionally childless, unintentionally childless, with child, with many children, or who's child has gone on into eternity before her.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have children, wanting to have children, and/or having children? Lets talk.
PS. I didn't really address the issue of women who legitimately don't desire children, although I did talk about it briefly in my dream and also in my conversation with the co-worker. You are totally welcome to discuss that issue and other issues below or on facebook :)
I know my thoughts are much different than they were before I met Ryan and even much different from when I first got married. I didn't want one anytime soon when we first got married. I regret that a bit now. The Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord, a reward. After this baby comes I think we are just going to keep having more until we either feel God leading us to stop or until He closes my womb.
ReplyDeleteSounds good, Ashley. An old old friend of mine once said she never wanted to have children, nor did she want a husband. My how things change. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment. May you and Ryan be blessed with a quiver full :)
I feel like I'm not good at waiting. "Baby fever" hits me pretty hard every now and then - it was especially strong last year. I think I've resolved myself to waiting, because wanting something so bad hurts too much to think about all the time. I think it's something that may or may not eventually happen.
ReplyDeleteWhat a striking analogy - that must have been a very powerful dream! I have spoken with a close friend who had trouble conceiving about this subject. When I asked her if she and her husband planned on having children, she was very willing and open in talking about it. It was the judgemental remarks and "sarcastic" comments that she always had trouble dealing with. She was more than willing to talk about her painful experience, but didn't know how to respond when people said, "Aren't you guys going to have kids any time soon?" as though they were just lazy, or selfish people.
ReplyDeleteI know people on both sides of this "issue", if you want to call it that. I personally believe this is such an individual topic that every couple has to make the decisions for themselves, after seeking the Lord in prayer. And sometimes, as evidenced by your previous comments, our opinions and desires change. I think there are people who are called by God to remain single. Couldn't there also be couples who are called by God to remain childless? (My husband and I, on the other hand, do NOT feel ourselves called to that particular calling...as evidenced by our 4 children & one on the way, but this does NOT stop us from having wonderful relationships with couples who have been married for several years and have no children.)
Lindsay--The woman that was talking to me in the dream and her husband feel like having children is not for them and they are fine with it. Also, the woman I work with also said that her and her husband weren't interested in having children. I believe, in a modern age, the desire to have children sometimes isn't there, when we have the medical technology to cause our own "barrenness". So there is the other side of this. Some women may very well never be called to have children whether it is a medical problem, or whether it is a choice.
ReplyDeleteFor whatever reason, sometimes it takes a really long time for a woman to actually get pregnant. I have friends that had to try for a year before they finally got pregnant. Some try even longer like Hannah. And some women never will. A person sometimes wonders why its so easy for some people and so hard for others. Only God knows.
Dearest Rachel--Delayed gratification is a hard lesson to learn. It could be a long time before it happens. Or as you said it could never happen. Lord willing, if bearing children is what you desire, that is what He will provide for you in time. Thankfully, if one truly wants to be a mother, there is the choice of adopting. I've always thought I'd adopt at least one, and that was assuming that I will have children of my own. Only God can know.
Blessings to you both.
carly!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei found you!
xo
brandi
Hey Carly, Johnny and I are dealing with not being able to have a baby. it is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. my fertility specialist recently told me that the only way for us to have a child is thru in vitro fertilization. Most people dont understand the pain that I am going through. I pray about it so much. But the truth is i have lost all hope, I WANT THAT LITTLE HOPE I HAD BACK. Maybe God will send my husband and I that blessing.
ReplyDeleteDear Amy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I know that such a sensitive subject is kind of a big deal to open up about. I am sorry that you and Johnny are having difficulties in this area. I will definitely be praying for you and for your "womb to be opened" whether its through in vitro fertilization or whether the Lord makes it possible for you to conceive naturally. Such a difficult burden to bear.
Personally, I have endometriosis and also thyroid trouble which can make it difficult to conceive. I worry that I won't be able to have my own as well, and the very idea of that is heart wrenching, even though I haven't really experienced what you and Johnny are experiencing.
Again thanks for sharing. Please know that you will be in my prayers.
I have a friend who has been married 3 years, and her husband is having a vasectomy. They do not want children at all. I tend to believe those are drastic measures, but it is always reversible at this point in time, so more power to them.
ReplyDeleteI personally cannot wait to have kids. I'm a little worried about how I can maintain my career with children, but if I am so lucky when the time comes, I'm sure it will all come together. I think I'd adopt if it turns out I cannot have my own.
Britt--Yeah. I think we all know more than one person who never want kids. I personally don't understand not wanting kids, but there are definitely people who don't want them. They all have there reasons.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that you could make your career and kiddos work out. Julie Blackmon did it, as well as a number of other female artists. http://www.julieblackmon.com/
The only female artists I know are ones who make work about their kids. I'm going to start hunting for women artists who make work that does not deal with motherhood. Not that I am opposed to art about family, but I would like to think the two could survive separately as well.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Britt--I'm sure that they can co-exist peacefully. I'm sure there are plenty of mother/artists who make other work, but we don't know that they are mothers because they don't make art about their kids or being a mother.
ReplyDeleteWhat other artists make art about family?