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My Pure Motives

As I've been studying the book of Luke for the past week, I feel like I've gotten to know the apostle Peter a bit better... especially in the last days he spent with Jesus before the Lord is arrested and crucified.

There are so many stories of Peter in the gospels displaying extraordinary faith (think following Christ out to walk on the water), and his great commitment to following Christ anywhere and everywhere (he is in pretty much every story where Jesus goes with only a few followers). So it actually makes sense, in our humanity, that Peter has started thinking pretty highly of himself and his placement within the 12 closest followers of Jesus.

During the Last Supper, an argument arises about who is thought of as "the greatest". Jesus has JUST finished telling them that one of them would betray Him to death, and that His body and blood would be broken and shed for THEM. With a deaf ear to what the Lord was actually telling them, they immediately begin questioning one another about who this person is that would be to betray Him, and which one is the greatest. Basically: who is the worst? and who is the BEST!?

We aren't told who exactly is arguing... perhaps all of them are speaking up about who is best... But what follows is Jesus calling out Peter by his "old" name Simon (the name he had before he became Jesus follower)... I am pretty sure it's safe to say that Peter felt pretty secure about "his place" as one of the most important guys with Jesus... or possibly the greatest follower... and he was most likely one of the most vocal people deciding who was best. So, Jesus tells Peter that he would, on this very night, deny that he even knew the Lord, not once, but THREE times.

Of course Peter says, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death." He really believes that his motives are pure... but the Lord knows his heart.

We all tend to believe "the best" about ourselves... don't we?

And so the Lord goes out from the city, where they ate their feast, and back up onto the Mount of Olives, where he went to rest and pray every night that he was in Jerusalem. Here he had a view of the city, and was in an olive tree orchard or garden of sorts. And it is here that Jesus tells those that follow Him to spend the night in prayer with Him so that they don't enter into temptation.

Peter was among these guys. And what do we know that these disciples did after eating this big feast? They go out into this beautiful garden with their Lord... and pray just as he asks and warns? No... even after what must have been one of their most eerie nights spent with Jesus, hearing about his body and blood being shed, that one of them would betray Him to death, and prophesies about "the greatest disciple" denying he even knew Jesus... These guys don't listen to their Lord. They fall asleep... even after seeing what great agony Jesus was in as He prayed just a few feet away... Even after seeing an angel from heaven appear and strengthen Jesus. They slept.

Peter is awoken by Jesus urging him and the others once more to pray, as a crowd of people enter the scene with swords and clubs and weapons.

What happens next? Peter attacks the High Priest's servant and cuts his ear off... and Jesus heals the servant, and tells Peter that He must do His father's will. Even now Peter ignores Jesus teaching that His kingship is not given to Him by "earthly power" (*RSB)... In this moment Peter is ready to fight for Jesus kingdom... even after Jesus told them this was not the time to fight... but Peter continues to think highly of his own motives.

And so, our Lord goes willingly with this mob of priests and accusers to the house of the High Priest.

Following behind are our friends, the apostle John and Peter. John stays with Jesus, but Peter stays at a distance.

And it is here that I was struck today as I read about Peter's imminent denial of Jesus. Imagine with me, if you will, what Peter's motivation and feelings this night might be.

We can imagine:


1-He is trying to keep himself safe
or 

2-He is trying to stay hidden so he can be of some use... with "pure" motives

When I heard this story as a child, I imagined that fear had just gripped Peter and he was trying to keep himself safe. I thought he was definitely terrified that he would also be arrested.

But today as I read this I wondered about Peter's high thoughts of himself... and his tendency to do seemingly dangerous things. And I wondered if perhaps Peter felt that he was doing Jesus a service by following him to this dangerous place. He still thinks he is ready to follow him to prison and death...

Peter wants to stay close to the Lord. He believes that he can still be of some service. He believes he can still protect the Lord, but at the moment, he doesn't know what to do since the Lord has told him that he can't use a sword. So Peter "disguises" himself as a servant with the other servants around the fire... in the courtyard, a place where he can still see Jesus.

A servant girls says, "Hey, aren't you one of Jesus followers?" And he says no.

And so two more times people say "You are one of Jesus followers" and two more times he denies it. And as he denies Jesus the third time, the rooster crows, and Jesus, being within sight of Peter, turns and looks at him... and Peter realizes the gravity of what he has just done.

And he runs away and weeps bitterly.

My question of myself, and of you reading today, is: How often do we conceal ourselves in the world so we can "be of service" to the Lord?

As we enter into this Christmas season and we go to parties with our non-Christian friends, and as we enter our regular tasks at work... do we try to conceal our faith?

In those conversations where we feel most uncomfortable... those difficult conversations about "lifestyles" or sinful behaviours... Do we speak the truth in love? Or do we conceal ourselves and the truth... Is the truth really in us?

When we read stories like this in scripture, we should pray that our eyes would be open to see our own wickedness. It is easy to look at this story of Peter, and think, "Oh that Peter... can  you believe that he would deny he even knew Jesus?" But it is here that we should see how we are so much like Peter... in his failings.

Today my eyes were turned toward myself as I read this story of Peter. How many times have I denied Christ with my "pure motives" to be accepted and to be able to share the gospel "better".

Often I think that if I can just disguise myself enough (and not let the truth shine out unashamedly) that I can be a better witness, and that people will be drawn to know God because of how "nice" I am. So today I am repenting of this attitude. Concealing the truth is never loving. It is  actually only "self" preservation, and it is not a pure motive. It is sin. We cannot be of service to the Lord in our sin, just as Peter could not be of service to the Lord in HIS sin.


"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18

And so we would do good to take our Lord's warning today: "Pray that you may not enter into temptation." Luke 22:40

*Quote adapted from a note from the Reformation Study Bible in ESV

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