Heart Flutterings and Trustings

It has been far too long since I have written anything. After I poured out my spirit in my last post about Patience being a Womanly Virtue, I found out some rather unexpected news. On April Fools Day, at 4:41 in the morning I found out that we are expecting a baby! No joke. In fact, when I wrote those words about how I feared I would have to wait forever to have a baby, I was with child.

Way

Un

Expected.

And oh how I wanted to write about it then, but I had to wait until those that needed to hear it from me had heard it before I told the blog-o-sphere.

And then.

The nausea hit.

And oh how it hit.

And the sleepiness.

I pretty much hibernated the last two months away because if I wasn't at work, or eating, I wasn't feeling well, and sleeping came so easy.

It is tiring work growing a person.

And then my heart started irritating me, once more. Palpitations galore. Racing heart beats.

After all of my adventures to get a healthy heart, and thinking I was all-better-now for months, my heart started acting up.

And then the fear set in.

I was given a drug to help my heart go back to normal.

After all of my avoiding every little thing that could harm my baby, I had to take something that could potentially harm my precious little button.

So it's a trust issue now. Because we women (we people really) always deal with trust.

I know my God is trustworthy. I know this in my soul. I know it in my heart of hearts.

I know He is a good loving God who gives good gifts to His children.

I know He knows my precious little one, and has known this little one before I even knew my precious one existed. "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you" Jeremiah 1:5

I know that He is the one who is in control, and He is the one that watches over even the little hairs that are growing on my babies head. He knows how many hair follicles are forming. In fact, He is forming them.

But I forget all these things so often. How often to do I fail to run to my fortress, My Rock, My God in whom I trust. How often I neglect to trust Him. And oh, how foolish it is to trust in anything or anyone else besides Him.

Some trust in doctors. Some trust in medications. Some trust in money. Psalm 20:7 says, "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."

A good, gracious, loving God.

Oh my soul. Trust in Him this night.

"Our meagre faith brings leanness into our souls; we do not open our mouths wide, though God has promised to fill them. Does He not this evening draw us to trust Him? Can we not hear Him say, "Come, My child, and trust Me. The veil is rent; enter into My presence, and approach boldly to the throne of My grace. I am worthy of thy fullest confidence, cast thy cares on Me. Shake thyself from the dust of thy cares, and put on thy beautiful garments of joy." But, alas! though called with tones of love to the blessed exercise of this comforting grace, we will not come. At another time He draws us to closer communion with Himself. We have been sitting on the doorstep of God's house, and He bids us advance into the banqueting hall and sup with Him, but we decline the honour. There are secret rooms not yet opened to us; Jesus invites us to enter them, but we hold back. Shame on our cold hearts! We are but poor lovers of our sweet Lord Jesus, not fit to be His servants, much less to be His brides, and yet He hath exalted us to be bone of His bone and flesh of His flesh, married to Him by a glorious marriage-covenant. Herein is love."--Charles Haddon Spurgeon